Saturday, December 3, 2011

Wet Ride to the Western Ghettos

I could really careless about the suburbs.  Really no need to go beyond Valley Junction.  Jordan Creek is a colossal rape of farmland and over commercialisation.  Good Lord, 25 years from now Jordan Creek Town Center will be a piece of shit and the new mall will be in Adel.  No need to go to Merle Hay Mall except for the Viet Namese tailors and occasion good gun deals at Dunhams.  Not even a record store there anymore.  I do miss Brenda L, optometrist.

The worst thing is the traffic.  First, nobody likes to stay home when they live in the western ghetto.  they feel the need to drive everywhere all the time.  Seriously, I can ride almost anywhere in Des Moines proper (non-rush hour) on the streets without issues.  Get to Urbandale or WDM and I swear gas must be 20 cents a gallon.  Busy all the time especially on weekends.  Try crossing into WDM from 63rd and Grand.  WTF??!!  let's get everyone at this intersection all the Fookin' time!  One reason I seldom go to Rassy's.

Second, traffic lights are horrid.  Seriously, I could paint my toe nails and let them dry completely before the light turns green.  There should be a big lighted sign at the border "WELCOME TO WEST DES MOINES, ENJOY ARE TRAFFIC LIGHTS, SUCKERS!"

Finally, one must provide a DNA sample when requesting permission to live there.  If you have any genetic link to a species of herding animal, you are welcome to live there.  If not, you need to go back to Des Moines and live with the "undesirables" that the affluent suburbanites try to protect their children from (white flight).  Don't believe me?  try to get a table at a restaurant.  Hour wait.  Only a herding animal would put up with that bullshit.

Why clean up your city when you can destroy good farmland to settle your precious snowflakes in?  Taxabatements, no welfare leeches here anyway.

I generally only visit the border areas.  Windsor Heights for Hy Vee and Wal Mart since these are conveniently located on the trail.  Just do not get in Mohammed's line as he will make everyone wait while he calls someone else to scan beer (Muslim Pharisee just looking devout to impress others.  Living in the land of the Infidel is sin enough).

Sometimes I venture to Bike World now located in Urbandale.  Or to visit Mary at the school she teaches at.  Sometimes to MHM to have clothing hemmed and repaired by the family that runs the shop in the mall.  Urbandale is so generous in granting taxabatements for settlers building homes on farmland that they lack the revenue to maintain and repair their older streets.  They use pick up trucks to plow the streets. 

But today we had to venture to 22nd/86th Street near Hooters.  Mary's credit union moved there from its former location on Grand.

The weather was shit, 1 turd out of 5.  Light rain.  I do not mind getting wet but I hate getting the bicycles I am responsible for maintaining and upkeep wet.  Mary's bike already sounded like it needed the chain cleaned and lubed.  My chain is still relatively new and may have gotten wet once or twice.  guess what I get to do Sunday after Church??

She offered to go there herself but I went anyway.  I needed to ride to burn fat.  We needed to stop at Hy Vee AGAIN for Monday's dinner.  So we donned our rain gear.  That faded yellow jacket of mine, it is a rain jacket that is no longer waterproof.  I used my red Columbia rain jacket that I purchased at Dunhams for $16.  It was my rain protection and warmth layer for my 10 hike in the Sangre Cristo range of the Rookies back in 2009.  Mary adopted it ever since.  This may be the first time I wore it since 2009.  I also used rain pants that I acquired about the same time.  Unfortunately, they are too big and mary used them once and ripped them in two places.  Experiment.  Performance Gore Tex gloves, these are waterproof!

The rain was not bad at all.  The wind was light as well and to our backs.  It could have been alot worse.  I resisted saying this aloud.  Jinxing sucks.  We took the trail all the way to Wal Mart and then crossed 8th/73rd to the sidewalk on Buffalo Rd.

This all went well.  Even crossing 22nd was smooth.  Then the Walgreens incident.  Someone in a maroon Cadillac almost hit me.  Not sure if it was a battle for the right a way or bad car brakes.  It was attempting to leave Walgreens and I was on the sidewalk.  Mary rode past it as it was slowly ascending the incline to the street.  I heard the squeaky brakes but I think it felt that I should have yielded.  No way Jose.  You can wait.  I held my line and as it was apparent that this line was going to be violated I gently touched the hood need the ornament.  I should have slammed it hard.  Just a kind gesture that said "Hey fucker, wait your turn.  Hate to have the police involved."  No honking or yelling or cursing.

Finally we arrive at the credit union.  It is in a former bank that I no longer recall the name of.  No handicap provisions on the sidewalk so we had to lift the bikes up or bunny hop.  I got off and lifted.  Heavy ass touring bike with front rack and bags.

At this point we were sorta wet.  Not cold.  My red jacket does not see to work as well as it did when I got it.  Too many washes and I think it was used as Mary's outer shell for 2 winters.  Sweat was the other issue.  But sweat is good, right? 

Coffee was available in the lobby so I helped myself.  Seattle's Best, Starbucks lesser line. Mary took a sip and headed to the ATM.  Once again, our first stop in the Western Ghetto,  the herding animals created a large line.  It was 1015 am.  Free coffee, it had been almost 24 hours since I had any.  Have not even had water today nor food.

We took Buffalo Rd proper on the return.  Front and rear flashers as an added precaution.  Traffic was light and the sidewalk narrow.  Better speed.  There is a school on this street, cars need to behave.  We seized the turn lane at 8th and crossed onto the sidewalk to the trail.  Safe!

Windsor Heights Hy Vee was relatively uneventful.  Crowded as usual.  Honestly, I feel claustrophobic in this grocery store.  Always too crowded in the aisle.  Today getting a cart was an effort.  4 elderly folks milling around and a woman with a toddler who was in front of the cart she was trying to use.  Endless people walking in and Santa and Mrs. Claus waiting for photos.  The simple act of grabbing a cart was not understood by these people.  And me, in "forward progress must keep moving" mode and dripping wet barged right in a seized a cart and nearly pissed off everyone with this ability.  The fat bitch with the snot nosed brat made an ugly woman sound.  When honey, carry the kid from the door and stick him in the cart and you would not have had to deal with me.  It is not a game here, it is economic movement.  We later saw them after check out.  the kid was on the rocking horse with the biggest grin on his face, my rudeness forgotten by Mrs Diabetes.

The highlight here was bumping into Sam and Austin Gill.  Prepping for the ISU game they had a 12 of new Belgium Ranger and a bottle of something else.  I wish we could have matched and joined.  Time to return to DSM.

The ride home was marked by a headwind.  Rain was still light.  Timmy called both of us because he has an inability to open the fridge or freezer and feed himself at age 14.  Mary ignored his call.  I answered and said we would be home soon.  Back in Little Italy we stopped at Grazianos for sausage and Best Trip for 10 lbs of ice.  No waiting here!

20 miles.  Wet clothing and bikes.  Mission accomplished.  Turn the tea kettle on and hit the shower.  1 lb lighter than before the trip began.

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