Friday, January 27, 2012

Rants, I Have a Few

Dear Government Armleutchers,

There is a need for spell check to be installed on spray paint.  I have children that attend public school and can barely read and it infuriates me to no end that people who spray paint messages of long lost love on public trails cannot spell correctly.  Since no one cares to implement No Child Left Behind properly the only solution is to have spell check on paint cans.

Dear Des Moines Parks and Rec and/or Water Works,

When removing graffiti from trails could you please use mineral spirits or paint remover.  Large blotches of off white paint not only look worse that "Eddie luvs Mikey doggy style" it creates slick spots.  Now Eddies profession of love for Michael would more than likely have worn away by Spring time if left alone but now the Bill Riley Trail is covered in 6 spots by large sections of off white paint.  Please not that I agree that the wall underneath the trestle is a legitimate target for anti-graffiti efforts. 

However, maybe a stake out and surveillance could catch the bastards with the paint in and on their hands.  Have the criminals tarred and feathered and place their photo on a plaque underneath said trestle.

Dear Runners and Joggers,

Iowa is not part of the UK.  Notice that in Iowa 99% of live music is conservative and dull, television sucks but care of teeth is good?  Please "Run Right".  If you are coming toward me I will give you 5" no more.  I am not willing to serve to the left because there could be a car behind me.  Mary, Co-Commuter of the Year, nearly ran one of your kind down the other night, head on.  She had 8,000 safely ridden miles last year even without My Alibi clothing.

Also, people in Iowa do not see well at night like they do in Engerland.  Please do not dress as a stealthy ninja when jogging at night or in the pre-dawn hours.  I cannot see you until I am upon you.  I am willing to use my "bright as an UFO lights" but this is a waste of precious electricity.  And these lights will burn out your retinas.  Consider lights and reflective gear.  Pull the ear buds out.  You do not want me to deny myself sensory perception while riding, I do not want you to do the same while out for a run.

Or maybe I want to ride in the dark without lights and with ear buds in?

Dear Removers of the Holly Jolly Lights,

Can we finish up and remove Santa's Workshop and the semi-trailer in Water Works?  It has been almost a month.  Everything else is gone.  The trailer blocks the sun on the road creating unnecessary ice.  The shelter is worthless when it is boarded up with your shit.  This has been the greatest January ever concerning weather.  Get it in gear please,

Your faithful rider and blogger of rants,

Lord von Ebar

1 comment:

  1. I don't understand the runners that run into oncoming traffic.

    Everyone I see running in waterworks runs that way. and they look at me, like Im running on the wrong side. wtf.