Tuesday, February 5, 2013
DMR February 5, 2013
Do to the ongoing economic issues, rising insurance costs, lack of Obamacare contributions, rider complaints and lawyer fees this years Ragbrai will be the last one that humans will be able to ride. The 2014 edition of Ragbrai will be exclusive for drone bicycles only.
Cost benefit analysis reveals that drone bicycles are cheaper and safer and less likely to sue the Des Moines Register and Iowa counties for any issue that may arise with the annual bicycle ride across our fair state. Also drone bicycles do not require kybos, State Patrol officers and sobriety testing. Drones are programmed to obey all state and local traffic laws and to yield the right of way to automobiles. Testing of drone bicycles demonstrated that alcohol consumption and abuse are 98% less than their human counter parts. In a test with 1000 drones there were no reported incidents of indecent exposure of genitalia or bare female breasts.
Other benefits include the lack of future state legislatures from running on top of kybos, drug abuse, the transmission of STDs, pregnancies, rape, vandalism, unsanitary defecation in public, swine molestation, bad music and littering.
If you are interested in having your drone bicycle participate in the 2014 Ragbrai please send $500 to the DMR for a wristband. Be sure to include the radio frequency and passwords used by your drone. Drone bicycles found without wristbands on the Official Route will be destroyed by CIA Predator drones operating from the new drone facility at the Des Moines International Airport. This goes for all humans found bicycling on the route from the hours of 6 am to 5 pm.